15 minutes to kill

This is the real test. Writing, when I really have nothing to write about. This isn't quite true of course, but I have about 15 minutes before lunch-time basketball, and I can't really write something all that insightful in 15 minutes. Can I?

So I guess I'll just write. See where it takes me, where it goes. As I mentioned earlier, I used to like to write, I liked the craft of it, writing, revising, re-writing. Now every stage in that process seems god-damned painful. In some ways, it's a sort of perfectionism on my part, of being deathly afraid that my vision might not be realized. This makes it easy to not accept the challenge, unwilling to do the work that stands between the raw material and the final product. They say to overcome this is to write, everyday, regardless, so that's what I'm trying to do here. This isn't much, but it's something. And there are plenty of days that I end up with far less than something.

What is it inside that makes us think we can write, that we have something to say. I think success, in any field that required self-expression, demands walking a fine line between arrogance and humility. You have to be a bit cocky to think you have something to offer don't you? I know some would prefer to call this confidence; the two aren't unrelated.

Regardless, I doubt that stepping over the line into overconfidence rarely results in negative productivity. Perhaps the product isn't very good, but it is produced, it is concrete, realized. My problem seems to go the other way--too much humility (which is of course a very humble thing to say). Let me explain though: I'm not claiming this humility is laudable. It's not the "he's so down to earth" type of humility that everyone admires. I'm not fucking George Clooney. My humility's more driven by fear and self-loathing, a defense mechanism on guard against potential humiliation.

I think that's probably indicative of the human condition. If we could inside the heads of others, I think we'd find we've all got something to offer. Buried deep within us all is novelist, a poet, a songwriter, a chef--but usually we live a life predicated on not letting that potential self show through, we lock our creative selves up deep inside, diminish the importance that part of our self plays, until we forget this creative self ever existed.

Five paragraphs: that's something.